pls hire

uPDAtES: we both sold out !!! but we'll probs both end up back in school just u wait, dad

  1. graphic design is my passion

here are some things we didn't get into (we're not salty or anything)


Courses: Completion of Introduction to Small Boat Sailing
Orgs: Cornell Kappa Alpha Pi Prelaw Fraternity (3x); Cornell Pi Sigma Epsilon; Cornell Consulting; Cornell Consulting Club
Internships: Bank of America; JP Morgan; Amazon; Deloitte; Capital One; Samsung; Southwest Airlines; Johnson & Johnson; P&G; Accenture; Cisco; Barclays; Mastercard; SEC; Twitter; Google; Facebook; Oliver Wyman; Microsoft; Spotify; Intuit; BHGE; Visa; Polaris; Live Nation; AT&T; Blackstone; JetBlue; NPR; NASA JPL; Crooked Media; Brookings; KKR Credit; Goldman
Jobs: Gates
That one hurted: West Wing Writers; KAPi (the third time); Captain of Millburn High School Public Forum Debate


Universities: Harvard, Brown, Columbia, UCLA, and Tufts
Courses: Successful completion of every Spanish class
Research: 5x
Internships: Google Software, Google APM, Facebook, Jane Street, Uber ATG, Amazon Robotics, Amazon, Zipline, Optiver, Ab Initio, Asana, Atlassian, Broadway, Yelp, BCG, Spotify, Pinterest, Tesla, NVIDIA, Cisco Meraki, Square, Twitter, Lyft, Uber, NYT, MIT Lincoln Labs, Mozilla, Microsoft, and Two Sigma
Jobs: Google, Amazon Robotics, Zipline
That one hurted: Yale; Apple; Editor and Chief of Claremont High School Wolfpacket

Looking for someone to become a cog in your capitalist regime? Look no further. We are here to service a multitude of your labor needs!

Sarah Park, 21, 1 mile away

  • Seeking: the kind of job that lets me say "I can't believe I get paid for this shit"
  • can listen to the same song forever probably
  • super great at jumping through hoops, (flames optional)
  • Might convince you to jump off a cliff
  • One time, she ate nothing but green food for a whole day. It was pretty heroic really.
  • was certain that the rolling stones was dead
  • writes words that sound good
  • wants to fight for something
  • opened a pickle jar once (i think)
  • help im a staff writer trapped in this website
  • Skills: sharing toothbrushes, sleeping a lot of a little, concave differentiable optimization for non-holonomic motion planning, recycling
  • one time she heard a sound
  • found 6 words with one brain cell
  • firmly believes that all doggos are puppers
  • super good at doing nothing (still needs 200% stimulation)


  • can do anything, especially airplanes